Functioning Human, Terms and Conditions Apply – Unisex Heavy Blend™ Hoodie

Functioning Human, Terms and Conditions Apply – Unisex Heavy Blend™ Hoodie

Because functioning humans need comfort too. This unisex Heavy Blend™ hooded sweatshirt is your go-to for chilly days, cozy evenings, or pretending you have your life together. Its spacious kangaroo pocket keeps your hands warm—or your snacks close—while the adjustable drawstrings and double-lined hood block the breeze and add a tailored touch. Seamless construction minimizes fabric waste while giving it a sleek, modern look that pairs perfectly with just about anything in your wardrobe.

Whether you’re binge-watching, running errands, or adventuring outdoors, this hoodie is made to move with you. Perfect for holiday gifts, birthdays, or casual hangouts with friends, it’s a cozy, stylish reminder that even functioning humans deserve a little comfort (and humor).

*These are the darker hoodies, white text option. There are lighter hoodies with black text options too.

Product Features – Overthinker Approved

Spacious Kangaroo Pocket: Keep hands, snacks, or small existential crises close.
Adjustable Drawstring Hood: Customize fit, block wind, and hide from responsibilities if needed.
Seamless Construction: Sleek look and reduced fabric waste—saving the planet while staying cozy.
Durable Fabric Blend: 50% cotton, 50% polyester for warmth, softness, and longevity.

Care Instructions – Keep Your Hoodie (and Life) Functioning

Machine Wash: Cold (max 30°C / 90°F) – chill out, like your social energy.
Bleach: Non-chlorine only—because chaos belongs in your thoughts, not your laundry.
Dry: Tumble dry medium—gentle, like your Monday mornings.
Iron/Steam: Low heat—smooth wrinkles, not your brain.
Dry Clean: Absolutely not. We’re cozy, not formal.

This Functioning Human hoodie features a dark base with bold white text for a striking, classic contrast.