Functioning Human, Terms and Conditions Apply – Unisex Heavy Blend™ Hoodie
Because functioning humans need comfort too. This unisex Heavy Blend™ hooded sweatshirt is your go-to for chilly days, cozy evenings, or pretending you have your life together. Its spacious kangaroo pocket keeps your hands warm—or your snacks close—while the adjustable drawstrings and double-lined hood block the breeze and add a tailored touch. Seamless construction minimizes fabric waste while giving it a sleek, modern look that pairs perfectly with just about anything in your wardrobe.
Whether you’re binge-watching, running errands, or adventuring outdoors, this hoodie is made to move with you. Perfect for holiday gifts, birthdays, or casual hangouts with friends, it’s a cozy, stylish reminder that even functioning humans deserve a little comfort (and humor).
Product Features – Overthinker Approved
Spacious Kangaroo Pocket: Keep hands, snacks, or small existential crises close.
Adjustable Drawstring Hood: Customize fit, block wind, and hide from responsibilities if needed.
Seamless Construction: Sleek look and reduced fabric waste—saving the planet while staying cozy.
Durable Fabric Blend: 50% cotton, 50% polyester for warmth, softness, and longevity.
Care Instructions – Keep Your Hoodie (and Life) Functioning
Machine Wash: Cold (max 30°C / 90°F) – chill out, like your social energy.
Bleach: Non-chlorine only—because chaos belongs in your thoughts, not your laundry.
Dry: Tumble dry medium—gentle, like your Monday mornings.
Iron/Steam: Low heat—smooth wrinkles, not your brain.
Dry Clean: Absolutely not. We’re cozy, not formal.
This Functioning Human hoodie features a light base with bold black text for a striking, classic contrast.
| |
S |
M |
L |
XL |
2XL |
3XL |
4XL |
5XL |
| Width, in |
20.08 |
22.05 |
24.02 |
25.98 |
27.99 |
29.92 |
31.89 |
33.86 |
| Length, in |
27.17 |
27.95 |
29.13 |
29.92 |
31.10 |
31.89 |
33.07 |
33.86 |
| Sleeve length from center back, in |
33.50 |
34.50 |
35.50 |
36.50 |
37.50 |
38.50 |
39.50 |
40.50 |
| Size tolerance, in |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
1.50 |
