{"product_id":"functioning_human_hoodie","title":"Functioning Human Hoodie","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eFunctioning Human, Terms and Conditions Apply – Unisex Heavy Blend™ Hoodie\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eBecause functioning humans need comfort too. This unisex Heavy Blend™ hooded sweatshirt is your go-to for chilly days, cozy evenings, or pretending you have your life together. Its spacious kangaroo pocket keeps your hands warm—or your snacks close—while the adjustable drawstrings and double-lined hood block the breeze and add a tailored touch. Seamless construction minimizes fabric waste while giving it a sleek, modern look that pairs perfectly with just about anything in your wardrobe.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eWhether you’re binge-watching, running errands, or adventuring outdoors, this hoodie is made to move with you. Perfect for holiday gifts, birthdays, or casual hangouts with friends, it’s a cozy, stylish reminder that even functioning humans deserve a little comfort (and humor).\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eProduct Features – Overthinker Approved\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eSpacious Kangaroo Pocket:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Keep hands, snacks, or small existential crises close.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eAdjustable Drawstring Hood:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Customize fit, block wind, and hide from responsibilities if needed.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eSeamless Construction\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e: Sleek look and reduced fabric waste—saving the planet while staying cozy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eDurable Fabric Blend\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e: 50% cotton, 50% polyester for warmth, softness, and longevity.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eCare Instructions – Keep Your Hoodie (and Life) Functioning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan id=\"docs-internal-guid-74c3863c-7fff-7997-d5b1-24aa57226af8\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eMachine Wash:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e Cold (max 30°C \/ 90°F) – chill out, like your social energy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eBleach\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e: Non-chlorine only—because chaos belongs in your thoughts, not your laundry.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eDry\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e: Tumble dry medium—gentle, like your Monday mornings.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eIron\/Steam\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e: Low heat—smooth wrinkles, not your brain.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003eDry Clean\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;\"\u003e: Absolutely not. We’re cozy, not formal.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" style=\"line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width: 360px;\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 10px;\"\u003e \u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e4XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e5XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eWidth, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e20.08\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e22.05\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e24.02\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e25.98\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e27.99\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e29.92\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e31.89\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e33.86\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eLength, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e27.17\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e27.95\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e29.13\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e29.92\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e31.10\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e31.89\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e33.07\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e33.86\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eSleeve length from center back, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e33.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e34.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e35.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e36.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e37.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e38.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e39.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e40.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eSize tolerance, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Maroon","offer_id":43242158850107,"sku":"25861786856124045644","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":43242158882875,"sku":"10136859660808106625","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":43242158915643,"sku":"37647345748286526881","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Carolina Blue","offer_id":42453571764283,"sku":"13882824957748699678","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Purple","offer_id":43242158948411,"sku":"16762214413053913946","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Forest Green","offer_id":43242158981179,"sku":"29841058252417061273","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Light Pink","offer_id":42453571797051,"sku":"26608054416395507703","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sand","offer_id":42453571829819,"sku":"32864549002350190832","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Antique Sapphire","offer_id":42453571862587,"sku":"20372955928700028180","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Dark Chocolate","offer_id":43242159013947,"sku":"16761010453157508813","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Light Blue","offer_id":42453571895355,"sku":"11810600021633094728","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Orchid","offer_id":42453571960891,"sku":"93419475751615846434","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Maroon","offer_id":43242159046715,"sku":"17108478885634063606","price":45.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ 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